A mess

Its been a month since i tried to built myself up from being heartbroken. Im okay now. Well better than before tho. Wanna know what happen to me? So here it goes. By the time he told me that we should take a break from our relationship, my hearts drop. Theres so many things playing inside my head that time. Am i that pathetic? Am i such a failure in our relationship until he ask for such things? He told me that he want us to take a break bcs we've been fighting a lot and he thinks that this is the best way to at least make us better. But not for me. Everythings could change. Im just afraid that he would leave me forever. Ever since he left, everything seems colourless. He just left. He took everything, everything i had. It hurts. I can feel slowly myself bleeding out thru the gaping hole in my chest. The way i try to overcome this, i kept myself busy. Tied up enough so i dont have to wonder where is he or what is he doing. Im so tired of crying. I stayed up. Clean the house. But no. i dont do drugs or drinking. Everyday i woke up, need to fake a smile so i dont have to explain it or whatsoever to anyone. I kept it to myself, deep inside my heart. A couple days goes by, but still i havent move on yet. Still hoping that he would send me a text and tell me that he wants our relationship back. I dont know. Maybe i still believe in him. Believe in us. Believe that he would come back and everythings gonna be just like it used to be. Then the day i've been waited for had come. Im happy when he told me that he want this relationship back. But i dont know why deep inside my heart, theres something missing. Its just doesnt felt the same as before when im with him. Its different now. But yes. I do love him. Really do. Maybe its just that im afraid he would left again. Im trying so hard to ignore this feeling but the more i try, the harder for me to get rid of it.